Cyborg monkeys will be our masters


Once again scientists hasten the demise of mankind’s dominion over the Earth. CNN is reporting that scientists “have trained a group of monkeys to feed themselves marshmallows using a robot arm controlled by sensors implanted in their brains”. I’d like to know who thought this was a good idea.

Sure, now it’s all “Oh, we’ll help paralyzed people!” But when there’s an army of newly robotically enhanced super-apes rampaging through the country seeking payback on the beings who imprisoned and experimented on them and their simian brethren, we’ll see how smart these scientists feel.

If we have learned nothing else from Dr. Octopus, we’ve learned that psionically controlled robotic limbs lead directly to evil. I predict carnage and devastation on a scale not seen since the Great Grape Ape fiasco of ’89. Before you know it, humans will be the one being trained to eat marshmallows in strange and unnatural ways. You have been warned.