‘Yo Joe’ or ‘No Joe’? Who knows? You’re on your own, soldier.

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In a clear indication of just how bad G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is likely to be, Paramount has declined to let critics see it before it opens Friday, The Associated Press reported.

The way studio executives see it, they’re doing you a favor by freeing you from the tyranny of the evil print and broadcast media:

humvee
Paramount Pictures

G.I. Joe is a big, fun, summer event movie – one that we’ve seen audiences enjoy everywhere from Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland (pictured, right) to Phoenix, Ariz.,” said Rob Moore, vice chairman of Paramount Pictures. “After the chasm we experienced with Transformers 2 between the response of audiences and critics, we chose to forgo opening-day print and broadcast reviews as a strategy to promote G.I. Joe. We want audiences to define this film.”

destroPhoenix? When was that? Must have been a carefully vetted test audience, because I’ve heard to expect nothing but the worst. But that’s all right — we knew it was going to be bad when we saw those ridiculous power suits and bizarre casting. This is a Netflix candidate if ever there was one.

Bad as it is, they can’t take away our childhood memories, which is why I’ve prepared a slideshow of images — nostalgic and new — generously provided by Hasbro and Paramount. Just click on classic Destro, or the link below, to begin!

Slideshow: Yo Joe!

See also: G.I. Joe gets ‘Resolute’ in Adult Swim animation

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About the author

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Scott Kirchhofer

One of Nerdvana's founding bloggers, Scott Kirchhofer is a graphic artist and designer of the Nerdvana logo, as well as a gamer and comic book movie fan.

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  • You never know – It may not suck. My expectations are so low at this point I’m pretty sure I’ll like it. Haven’t seen an action packed popcorn flick since Transformers 2 and that was fun as hell. I’m hopeful that Christopher Eccleston, Dennis Quaid, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt can save this probable stinker. I’m actually curious if it could be worse than T4 which was easily the worst movie I’ve seen this year.

  • You never know – It may not suck. My expectations are so low at this point I’m pretty sure I’ll like it. Haven’t seen an action packed popcorn flick since Transformers 2 and that was fun as hell. I’m hopeful that Christopher Eccleston, Dennis Quaid, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt can save this probable stinker. I’m actually curious if it could be worse than T4 which was easily the worst movie I’ve seen this year.

  • I was really up in the air about “G.I. Joe.” Lots of people said it looked horrible, but the people who’ve actually seen it say that it’s good. I talked to some people at the Wolverine premiere who said they really liked it. So I was undecided.
    Until San Diego. The utter lack of promotion there says to me that the studio has little to no faith in the movie. Not a single G.I. Joe movie panel or star to be seen. No swag being given out. No real booth presence. They had those two mannequins and that was it, on the entire floor. They had a bigger splash LAST year. I think if it was actually good and they knew it, there would have been a much larger presence in San Diego. It looks to me like they know it’s going to be terrible and they don’t want to dump anymore money or effort into a losing cause.

  • I was really up in the air about “G.I. Joe.” Lots of people said it looked horrible, but the people who’ve actually seen it say that it’s good. I talked to some people at the Wolverine premiere who said they really liked it. So I was undecided.
    Until San Diego. The utter lack of promotion there says to me that the studio has little to no faith in the movie. Not a single G.I. Joe movie panel or star to be seen. No swag being given out. No real booth presence. They had those two mannequins and that was it, on the entire floor. They had a bigger splash LAST year. I think if it was actually good and they knew it, there would have been a much larger presence in San Diego. It looks to me like they know it’s going to be terrible and they don’t want to dump anymore money or effort into a losing cause.

  • I still have a few of those sweet big Cobra magnets they were handing out last year. I just saw the movie and it was OK. Just OK, that is all. Not bad, not good….just OK. Looks like they were right to save their money and not blow it on this year’s con.

  • I still have a few of those sweet big Cobra magnets they were handing out last year. I just saw the movie and it was OK. Just OK, that is all. Not bad, not good….just OK. Looks like they were right to save their money and not blow it on this year’s con.

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