Amazing Spider-Man #162

Comic Book Elections: Carnage, potential grizzlies and alternative facts

Comic Book Elections, Comics, Featured, Movies, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Top story
President Trump perfecting the "Schrödinger's Cat" paradox.
President Trump perfecting the “Schrödinger’s Cat” paradox.

The Trump presidency has begun and, although I have never been a fan, this past weekend the new administration unveiled a policy that I believe I can finally get behind: the strategy of using “alternative facts” in order to rewrite history and alter reality.

Fans of the Steampunk genre, or DC Comics’ “Elseworld” series, or Marvel’s “What If” line of comics are very familiar with the multiverse way of thinking. Donald Trump has just brought it into the mainstream, presumably for everyone to enjoy.

What better way is there to approach life than to create a narrative that supports your preferred reality? Why shouldn’t facts based on imagination carry as much weight as facts based on objective evidence? In the end, it’s only about perception, right?

Kellyanne Conway (or Peggy Carter?) - Reuters
Kellyanne Conway (or Peggy Carter?) – Reuters

It all began when Donald Trump spokesmodel (and Peggy Carter cosplayer – see wired.com), Kellyanne Conway, argued that “alternative facts” could explain how the visual evidence of Trump’s poor inauguration attendance is wrong. (Read about Kellyanne getting schooled by Merriam-Webster Dictionary – at usatoday.com.)

While some may say that our new leader has gone too far with the tweaking of reality, I say his new administration should fully embrace the multi-dimensional possibilities. If America is going to go up in flames, we might as well have some fun along the way.

For instance, it’s entirely possible that the Washington Monument camera that captured the inauguration crowd size is simply not capable of seeing many of the Trump supporters; especially those who might be interdimensional travelers or aliens with cloaking technology.

Trump’s Secretary of Education nominee, Betsy DeVos, has been ridiculed for explaining that we may need guns in schools to protect children from “potential grizzlies”; but come on, DeVos, you need to educate yourself to the ursine reality of your Russian overlords.

“Zaschitniki” (or “Guardians”)
A bear with a gun – “Zaschitniki” (or “Guardians”)

Billionaire Betsy really should have went further to explain that we need to safeguard our kids from potential gun-toting grizzlies; just like the Russians showed us in their superhero film, “Zaschitniki” (or “Guardians” for you slackers who are still speaking English).

After all, in Trump’s alternative universe the only way to stop a bad grizzly with a gun is with a good grizzly with a gun (at least according to Wayne LaPiberre.)

Amazing Spider-Man #162People in the “real world” are talking like President Trump’s inauguration speech paints the United States in dystopian colors, but they don’t realize that we will never be able to truly enjoy our liberty until we recognize the carnage all around us.

You know, I thought President Barack Obama was cool because he was a fan of comic books; but Trump is clearly cooler because he’s actually using comics as a model for his administration’s policies.

I’m pretty sure that Trump learned his philosophy from one of Marvel Comics’ most popular villains, who, not coincidentally, is named for the devastation he creates, “Carnage.” And like our fearless leader, this comic book psychopath is just misunderstood.

When, in Amazing Spider-Man #162, Carnage says “Soon, the world will see that the way to freedom is chaos! And the way to chaos is carnage!” he’s clearly telling us all that he only wants to make our lives better. There is a method to his madness… Right?

So don’t fret that future time travelers didn’t save us from the Trump inauguration (that we know of), they may have actually done us a favor. Now, more than ever before, our reality is only limited to our imagination.

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