
Perhaps one day a little Earth child will sit down to play with a little Martian child, or larva, or whatever they are. But, after a while, guess what happens: the little Martian tries to eat the Earth child. But guess what the Earth child has? A gun. You weren’t expecting that, were you? And now the Martian child is running away, as fast as he can. Run, little Martian baby, run!
– Jack Handey, “What I’d Say to the Martians” The New Yorker, August 8, 2005
In one of the funniest book ever written, on any planet, Jack Handey’s, “What I’d Say to the Martians: And Other Veiled Threats” (2008) covered what is probably our most likely response to alien life; and is in keeping with physicist Stephen Hawking’s warning that it would be “too risky” to communicate with aliens. But what if our current expedition to Mars really did uncover traces of life on another planet?

So say the Curiosity rover does find life or evidence of former-life on Mars; given the current shape of our planet’s socio-economic and political atmosphere, I first wonder if we would even be told of any significant discoveries. I’m certain our government knows that a serious scientific find regarding alien life could be the grease that loosens man’s slippery grip on a civilized society and sends it over the edge – meaning, of course, that these officials would never get reelected.
See also: Mars, lock up your women: Is Newt’s moon madness really just a layover?
While I love all of the “boldly going where no man has gone before” aspects of this Mars mission, I see evidence of life from Mars as driving the Earth in one of three directions (or some combination thereof) and none of them fare well for mankind. I believe an alien life discovery would lead to either greater Earthy conflict than we already experience, a more peaceful but ultimately doomed world, or an indifferent culture that really could not care less about alien life – or Mars.

Another path that an alien discovery could cause our culture to take might be one of peace and enlightenment, a la John Lennon’s Imagine, where there is no longer religion and the world lives as one. While many religious beliefs would be disproved by evidence of alien life, I don’t see the world using that opportunity to join together in harmony. If anything, we are likely to end up with mutant forms of our current faith-based beliefs that are likely to cause more hatred between our humanly brothers than we have already. Yes, I think Lennon was certainly dreaming when he wrote his song.
I think the most likely scenario is that the evidence of life on Mars will be met with mild amusement and indifference by the people of Earth. Oh sure, it’s cool, but in the end I don’t see the discovery prompting us to stop killing each other or changing attitudes to solve any other world crisis. Man is his own worst enemy and the discovery of long dead alien life will never change that. It will only confirm our ultimate destination.
How do you think a Mars Curiosity discovery of alien life would affect us here on Earth? Should we be careful what questions we ask, lest we discover the answers? Join our comments and let us know what you think!
You need to reformat this article – I can’t read it when it keeps moving every single time the picture changes!!!! Did you even look at this before posting it?
Thanks for the feedback. Would you like anything else? A pillow?
Nice rant against organized religion.